Timothy Rene Alcoser J.R.
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Benign Fasciculation Syndrom

4/15/2025

1 Comment

 
Every time I watched Harry Potter, I was always frustrated why none of the wizards would say "Lord Voldemort". I mean, it's just a stupid name. Holy hell, just SAY IT!!!...
Now I get it. For the longest time, even occasionally now, I would shudder at the acronym ***, or as I will call it in this post: "Lord Voldemort", even long after I’ve made the assumption that I do in fact have Benign Fasciculation Syndrome and not something more sinister. 

Because when I started down this rabbit hole of terror 4 years ago from misinformation and doom scrolling endless medical information online, it was easily one of the worst times of my life. 

I first want to say that for most of you just starting off on your BFS journey, this is going to be one absolute hell of a roller coaster. Some of you are going to be more afraid of this ride than others. But as the coaster continues towards the station, the hills are going to get easier with less anxiety each climb and every dip you take until it flattens out again and you are for the most part back where you were pre-anxiety.

So here's my "quick" story:
I am now a 38 year old male. I've had the occasional twitch in random locations for the better part of a decade now. But it was always random and fairly rare. Maybe once a day or once every few days. I remember the trigger for me that set this off was some anxiety related to both a fitness test I was afraid I wasn't going to pass and, believe it or not, a simulator "game" that I play to reduce stress. The Simulator in question was Microsoft Flight Simulator 2020 and I was online via the VATSIM Network. 
Side note, VATSIM is a largely 1 for 1 simulation of aviation procedures and air traffic control across the entire world. People come on to simulate being Air Traffic Controllers and people come on to simulate being pilots in a variety of aircraft and following real world processes from your clearance on the ground to your taxi to the gate at your destination.

Any-who, I was concerned because I had not been on VATSIM for years and was afraid I was going to mess up the procedures for my arrival into KLAX and my anxiety was rising already due to that. So as I was inching closer to the Los Angeles Center controlled airspace (as nobody for San Francisco Center was online at the moment), I got a text that I needed to perform and pass a physical fitness test for my work. I'm certainly out of shape at the time and that concerned me. It was right about this time that I started twitching in earnest.

Now as stated above, I've always had twitches and pops here and there. But this time it was particularly noticeable. On top of that, it was occurring every minute or so as opposed to every day or so. I remember reading somewhere that twitching could be associated with something more sinister, so I did the exact same thing all of you did and went to "all powerful, all knowing, almighty" Google for information.
BAM!

Right there in front of me was the false diagnosis and my anxiety immediately shot through the roof.

And with that anxiety, came a very significant and noticeable increase in the twitching, and not a moment before. Now it was occurring every 10 seconds give or take and sometimes every second. I was absolutely terrified, and that's something I'm ashamed to admit as I'm a Marine Corps veteran with service in Iraq and having previously worked in law enforcement. I have always been willing to put myself between innocent people and harms-way. I have been in fights and struggles with "bad guys" and have always reacted with professionalism and calm, even when I knew it was coming.  I am absolutely convinced that should I ever, heaven forbid, get dispatched to a mass shooting event, that I will run into that situation immediately without a second thought and do everything in my power to stop the threat as quickly as possible. 

And yet here I was. Shaking. Scared. On the verge of a panic attack because of muscle twitching.

Well, as you can imagine or remember experiencing,  that first night was absolute hell. Goes without saying I couldn't sleep. And when I nod off, I woke up again minutes later. I had my first panic attack in over a decade. I was having severe twitching in my left calf and I finally couldn't take it anymore and jumped out of bed, pacing back and forth speaking out loud to myself and the cat watching my strange behavior in the corner as I repeated to myself "you're okay, relax...relax, it's ok...".

I finally got back in bed and put on any comedy shows or movies I could think of, to distract me. I even started watching SpongeBob from episode 1, season 1 and would try to turn away at the beginning credits before Stephen Hillenberg's name popped up because I remembered that he died of ***.

The twitching occurred all over. Calves, soles of feet, fingers, wrist, biceps, buttocks, lips, thigh, shoulder, head...but never in my eyelids or tongue that I can recall.
I couldn't focus on my online schoolwork and grades suffered a bit. The anxiety was so extreme I couldn't eat. That first week I maybe ate a few bites of a granola bar or candy bar. I lost at least 10 pounds, which compounded the anxiety further as I convinced myself it was due to muscle loss.

I took the P.T. Test. Besides obviously not feeling up for it in the slightest, I passed. But it had been so long since I worked out that hard, that I got muscle weakness symptoms in my arms and legs. The weakness lasted for 3 weeks, I was so sore and weak, additional compounding my anxiety that I was one of the unfortunate one in a million. Oh why me!!!? I made deals with God, promising to act better on this behavior or that one, if he would spare me this fate. I even thought once or twice, if it came down to it, would it be better to take my own life in some way than to suffer this fate?
I became absolutely obsessed with my muscles, particularly my calves, and even more particularly my left calf where the vast majority of the twitching, or as I now know it, the hotspot, was occurring. I would check my muscle mass probably 100 times a day, trying to reassure myself and having the exact opposite effect when I recognized my left calf was indented a bit in the middle unlike my right calf, now realizing that was completely normal depending on the person, which leg is dominate, etc.

I craved going to work to keep my mind occupied and dreaded going home to the peaceful little oasis I carved out for myself in the mountains because while I could remain busy at work, I had too much time to sit and think at home.

I needed the reassurance. And without immediate access to a medical professional, I did what we all did. Went online for answers. Reassurance. Something to tell me I was okay. What I found was what we lovingly have coined the rabbit hole. Article after article, including but not limited to, opinion, news story, forum post and medical journals. While one post would assure me that my exact symptoms and circumstances was completely fine, the next would assure me that it was "Lord Voldemort" and that it was only a matter of time before he came for me. Bouncing back and forth like a ping pong ball, I became absolutely exhausted. But I couldn't stop. I made a commitment to myself to stop looking online for good. I knew it was a "drug" that wasn't helping me in the slightest, but I couldn't help the "addiction". Between a few minutes to a few hours later, I was back on google, trying different phrases in the search bar, scrolling and clicking. Sometimes for a few seconds. Sometimes for literally hours on end.

Google picked up on this as well, and instead of helping me "detox", the suggested videos popped up like a tidal wave. I went on YouTube and for the first time in the history of my account, it was now suggesting video after video of "Lord Voldemort" stories or information.

It was right about here, a few days into this absolute agony and despair that I started to see a light at the end of the tunnel. A tiny, little speck of a thing. It started with the BFS forums. Reassurance after reassurance was helpful. People going through the same exact thing, with the same exact symptoms in the same exact spots with similar triggers, etc. I've always been a true introvert and scoffed at "group therapy", but that's basically what this BFS forum is. And it really does help.

Then I found a helpful YouTube channel from a content creator from the U.K named David Harvey that helps people overcome their BFS, before and after a visit to PCP/GP and beyond. He posted videos and even had a Patreon that offered one on one counseling. I took one of his one on one counseling sessions and it did help! https://youtube.com/c/DavidHarveyAnxietyrelief

Being able to talk LIVE, one on one, with a real person who went through the exact same thing. Not sure if he still does these sessions or not.

Then, fortunately in my case and by coincidence, I had an appointment with my doctor already set up for my annual physical from nearly a year ago. I went in and explained the situation. He did a bunch of tests on me including a complete blood and urine panel, checked my muscles, checked my strength, vision, etc . I asked for an EMG and he said "mmm, no". I said it would bring me reassurance and comfort he said "nah, you don't need it". I was literally at the point of begging for one and he sat me down and said "there's nothing that I can see here that would even have me lean towards the idea that "Lord Voldemort has cast a spell on you or you need an EMG". He went on to explain that EMG's can be painful and that they were booked for about 6 months. I finally relented and said "ok".

Now my primary care doctor is through the Department of Veteran Affairs. I use the VA because I have most of my records there, it's free and I have generally received better care there than I have at other health care providers I have used. However, I did have a Kaiser Permanente plan through my work and I went home, typed up a confidential message to my doctor in my account asking for an EMG and stopped myself right before I got the send button. I'm still not 100% sure why, but I decided not to proceed with the EMG request or fight it further at the VA, and as of this post, I still don't even have an official diagnosis of BFS.

I already have a long, long history with health anxiety since I was 7 years old. I still remember the day. Thanksgiving Dinner. 7 years old. Out of nowhere in an instant I convinced myself I was going to have a heart attack and die. Lots of doctor visits and counseling sessions later, I moved on. A few years later it was that I was going to choke to death if I ate anything solid. Lots of tomato soup later, I moved on. Then I got into this endless loop that no matter how much I tried to breathe, that my lungs were not getting enough oxygen and that I was slowly asphyxiating to death. Lots of hyperventilating symptoms later I moved on. Then it was waking up in the middle of the night, night after night, gasping for breathe. Lots of tests later I found out it was sleep apnea.

I remembered I had one more panic episode around 2013, which is as far back as the twitching started, but couldn't remember the details. At all.
Fortunately, because I've consistently used the VA for my healthcare, I have all my medical record accessible online. So I went to work. Going back record after record until I finally found what I was looking for, and the climax of the first hill of the roller coaster I was riding.

In December of 2013 I read that I was going through anxiety and occasional panic episodes. But why? I went back to August through October and found messages back and forth between my primary care doctor and myself talking about muscle twitching. I described exactly what I was going through now, down to the line. The twitching all over, my concern was that it was "Lord Voldemort". I came to the realization that I had been twitching for almost 10 years!

I immediately and finally found the sweet relief and reassurance I had been been looking for for about 3 weeks. Now, after this, the roller coaster ride wasn't over, even though I was at the bottom of the first hill. There were still a few more hills to coast over. I would accidentally sleep on my hand and wake up to panic that I could move or use it like my other hand...sometimes for an hour. I would still occasionally trip and on the back of my mind, Lord Voldemort would be there, smiling and taunting me.
I would start to doubt myself again or get the urge for just one more peek of information, then I got to my one month anniversary and could still walk, could still talk, could still swallow, could still breathe, could still be lifting 80 pound star barrier (tank barrier) at my work, often lifting it up above my head just to prove to myself I could still do it.

I took a new outlook on life as a whole. I felt like I had dodged a real bullet, when in fact I was fine the whole time. But the relief was so incredible, it was like being told you might have terminal cancer then doing a test and being told "our mistake, you are 100% fine". I became much more grateful for each day and the smaller, finer things in life. The whole stopping to look at the flowers and not being as pissed off when that a-hole cut you off on the freeway.

I made the commitment to get the F out of the house and go do something, ANYTHING, bare minimum once a week, if not 3 says a week on my 3 day weekend. For all the bad there is to living in Southern California, there sure is a hell of a lot to do! I went to zoos, museums, Theme Parks, downtown areas, aquariums, whale watching, bike rides in state parks, the beach, I walked the Hollywood Walk of Fame for the first time even though I've lived here for 35 years, I went on short hikes, visited gardens and arboretums, walked some of our beautiful college and university campuses, went to Broadway shows and musicals... absolutely anything. On a particular trip to Universal Studios Hollywood, about two weeks after the twitching really ramped up, I walked 19,000 steps. Nobody suffering from the affects of Lord Voldemort could accomplish that. I gained my weight back, which sucks, but was also reassuring to some degree that I wasn't to losing muscle weight.
I've been typing this on my phone for about 2 1/2 hours, and I've had at least 100 twitches all over in that time...

When at home, I started on home improvement projects I had been putting off for years. I started some late spring cleaning, gardening, got more comfortable on VATSIM and back into Flight Simulator, started on relaxing games like Animal Crossing, Stardew Valley and Cities Skylines (although I hated the deathcare part of the game). I started a whole list of comedy shows to release stress. Staple movies like Benchwarmers and strangely hilarious shows like The Ricky Gervais show (should be called the Karl Pillkington Show).

Now here I am 4 years to the date later. Still alive, not losing any muscle. Still gaining weight 🤦, still able to walk between 5 and 20,000 steps a day, etc. With that, I just want to add three things that helped me through this in hopes that it may help you:

1. So this whole post is all well and good, as are everyone else's stories on the BFS Subreddit, but I know what you are thinking. "But how do you know I don't have it"!!! Brutally honest answer, I don't and neither do you. But I do know how to calculate odds and risk and this isn't the Hunger Games. It's not "may the odds be in your favor". It's "the odds are exceedingly in your favor." To an extreme, almost ridiculous amount. You should be far more terrified getting into your car or flying Malaysia Airlines.

But I know that doesn't necessarily help most people. It didn't help me when this started.

So...
​
Go to you PCP/GP as soon as possible. Get checked out. Insist on a EMG (unlike me). Get that reassurance and put this to BS to rest instead of suffering. Get recommended to a therapist in the meantime, and don't necessarily turn away from prescription medications if needed to control anxiety. We are lucky AF to live in 2025, so use the fruits of human knowledge and scientific understanding our ancestors worked so hard for to help you live a better life. Then get out there and return the favor when possible.

2. Get the F out of the house. Go do something. Not just stuff you might like to do like a concert or sports event, try something new! The zoo, a museum, a local hike, that day trip you've wanted to do but put off. Go spend time with the people that matter, not because "time is running out", but because it makes everyone happy, including you. I literally went to the Ballet to see Swan Lake by myself because I never did it and it was something new to try just because of my "get out of the house" policy, and I liked it.

It really, really helps to get out there, exercise and give your mind a rest from near constant anxiety and worry.

3. I truly know what you folks are going through. I know the absolute hell of this. It's real suffering and our brains are so powerful, it makes this fiction seem like the real Lord Voldemort. It's not. But I know just assuring you on Reddit won't be enough. It wasn't for me. The only fix for that, unfortunately, is time. You are going to have to ride this rollercoaster for a month or two (or more). You are in the seat, and the safety bar is down, and it absolutely f'n sucks. But it does get better with each passing week. Get those tests done, stay clear off of the internet (except the YouTube Channel I linked to and this subreddit, if it helps like it did me), and look forward to a long, worry free life.

As Al Swearingen said in Deadwood when Doc told him he wasn't going to see patients anymore because he thought he had a communicable disease and that he would not risk spreading to others: "nobody gets out alive Doc".

How true is that. While true, it's not going to be Lord Voldemort that's going to get us.
All the best folks. Feel free to ask any questions if needed. 

ONE MORE VIDEO THAT ABSOLUTELY HELPED SLAP SOME SENSE INTO ME (I still watch it from time to time):
IT'S BENIGN!
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LA Background Acting: The Un-Ultimate, Unofficial Experience from a Newbie!

11/10/2019

1 Comment

 
Over 48 hours, I started my new hobby. Background Acting. With 3 goals in mind.
1. Perform law enforcement type backgrounds such as police officer, deputy sheriff, FBI agent, etc.
2. Obtain my SAG-AFTRA card, but enjoy the ride until then (thanks for the tips on this forum)
3. Take acting classes and start co-starring with small lines, first in student films and finally in T.V. or movies.

I wanted to share my experience from the last two days for anyone:
A. That is interested in doing background acting for x, y and z.
B. Experienced actors considering it background acting for some for extra money in between, but who have not done so yet.

*I realize of course that Background acting is not acting. And "Background" is just a nice word for "Movie Extra".
*Of course, I cannot give detailed information about the project I was on, dates, locations, etc. But I will fill in everything else as best I can without breaking non-disclosure. They trusted me and I would never break that trust.

CENTRAL CASTING:
I started as virtually everyone does. Central Casting. I registered online and had a tough time finding availability on their calendar, which only opens 3 days out. On top of that, you have to try and register as soon as "3 days out" opens up on the calendar, because it will fill up very fast. I kept checking back and finally managed to snag a day. There was no specified parking, so I parked on the street and entered the line about 20 minutes early just outside their main entrance. There was already a guy standing outside checking your name on a list and looking to ensure you have proper identification. If you don't have a passport, you will need a drivers license AND an additional document such as a Social Security Card or Birth Certificate. See: https://d1u6g1e1nisfhs.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/doc-I-9-Form-Acceptable-Documents-190714.pdf

If you pass the identification "test", you get a blue card and will be admitted right at 9:10 AM. It goes in order. The earlier you line up, the faster you will be processed and leave. Once we get inside, there are 3 row of chairs. The first row has desks and the second two rows you'll have to hope you can get your hands on a clipboard. From here you will get about an hour brief and start to fill out paperwork so that you can work. This will all be done step by step on a Powerpoint slide so you don't get lost.
At the beginning of the brief, they asked us to look into several CCTV cameras they had in the classroom and wave, stating that casting directors were watching us at that moment and picking people for roles already. Everyone waved. I pointed. They must have been telling the truth because I got selected with about 10 other people I registered with for the same project the next day.

The hour in the classroom will go over your paperwork, explain essentials your duties while working on projects through Central Casting. Basic stuff you would think would be common sense, like not leaking plots of T.V. shows you are working on, Asking for an autograph when your favorite actor walks on the set, following directions from Production Assistants and the Assistant Director, showing up at time (or at all), along with a few partially hilarious, partially sad stories as examples.

After this rows will be excused to check the paperwork at two tables inside the classroom. If they doubt your sizes you listed, you will measure yourself here. If you printed "Tim Alcoser" on some papers but put "Tim Alcoser Jr" on others, you will make it uniform and be chided about it like I was. After your paperwork is done, all you have to do is get a photo taken.

Some people brought a small wardrobe of outfits. You should not. They will only be taking TWO photos today of whatever you are wearing. A face shot and a body shot. They will do updates with a bathing suit, dress clothes and a tuxedo, but that is it. However, they did say you could submit photos to them to be added. They have to be hard copy, color though, because they are concerned about viruses via flash drives. After taking my pictures, I was finished. Be advised, the entire process took just over two hours, and I was in the second row. There are restrooms and vending machines for snacks and drinks if you need it.

EXTRAS! MANAGEMENT & THRIFTY RENTS
My next appointment was at EXTRAS! Management, which was directly across the street from Central Casting. EXTRAS! Management is kinda, sorta, maybe like a talent agency for EXTRAS!. Except you pay them for the service. More on that in a minute.

However I had 3 hours to kill. I decided to pick up two wardrobe items from a company called Thrifty Rents. An LAPD uniform and a Sheriff Uniform so that I could take some photos at EXTRAS! Management with them, which unlike Central Casting, they permit. I found the address and was expecting either a warehouse or a shop. Instead I found a house. I texted the owner and he welcomed me inside. Turns out he has his uniforms stored in a small warehouse, but gets them cleaned and set up ready to go in a house. Seemed sketchy to me at first, but it turned out to be okay. The uniforms were great, they fit and I took them with me to EXTRAS! Management. I was able to rent them for $20 each per day for the shirt, pants, badge and name tag, and already had my own duty belt to use to finish off the look. They rent other stuff. Police equipment props, duty belts, medical profession costumes, janitor, etc. You get the idea.

I charged my Tesla at The Americana at brand and walked around like I was homeless compared to how everyone else was dressed. Then I headed over to EXTRAS! Management. After arriving, I was greeted and sat in a back room with about 6 or 7 other people. A man came in and explained to us how EXTRAS! Management worked and helped us fill out paperwork. Essentially, EXTRAS! Management works with Central Casting and about 20 other casting agencies as well as casting directors to fill roles for you automatically. You give them available days and what you are willing or not willing to work and they do the rest. For example, my availability is currently Mondays and Tuesdays and I am not willing to work a production if I have to shave my head. There are a lot of options you can choose. Comfortable in gay bars? Nudity? Partial nudity? This is followed by your attributes. For example, I can Scuba Dive, am just about in expert in weapons handling, Can Ski, Served in the Marines and am a certified California Peace Officer. They have 4 changing rooms so that you can change into different uniforms or outfits and can specify

Unlike Central Casting, they automatically assume you are available for roles on the days you specify and book you automatically, then inform you of you. This gets you in immediately so you don't miss out, but you have to be able to manage your schedule and give them a heads up if you can't work a certain day or a certain period of time. It's a lot more convenient for me, because I often cannot access my phone at certain times depending on what I am doing. The entire attitude of the staff was completely different than it was from Central Casting. You really do feel like their clients versus just cattle being processed like across the street. They also create a profile you can access with all your information, attributes, wardrobe, skills, etc, so that you can double check everything a casting director sees. Next to your uniforms, casting directors can click on an image to see what you look like, say, in an LAPD uniform, if they desire. EXTRAS! Management explained that if you had your own uniforms, casting directors were more likely to hire you in general, because they could save money by cutting out their own wardrobe.

Total cost per month is $84.00. They will charge you the day you start, but pro-rate based on what day of the month it is. Also, if they don't book 4 jobs (I believe) for you, they lower the charge you have to pay that month. Not being able to book you any jobs would be $10 or $15 for the service, which they explain never happens.

*Note: I don't get any kickbacks from either EXTRAS! Management or Thrifty Rents. Just wanted to explain my experience and what I went with.

WORKING MY FIRST JOB
Alright. Here we are to the fun part. My very first background acting role. I am going to be careful here because I want to give you folks an idea of what its like to work Background on a major T.V. Production without violating any non-disclosure agreements or the trust placed in me when I was hired.

While on my way home from EXTRAS! Management, I got a text from Central Casting asking if I was available to work the next day on a Major T. V. show at 4:13 PM. By chance, I did have the next day off, so I replied "YES".

At 4:34 PM, I got a message from the same automated system that said I was "BOOKED". It stated "Do not reply YES" if I worked the job recently. I replied YES.

At 5:44 I got a new message with my role and a code I could punch in to monitor the call back times for the next day. The phone message had the time and another code I could punch on Central Castings website for the details on my role and what to bring. After I got home, I punched in the show name and code and discovered I needed to bring dress clothes, but not a full suit. So I got my setup ready and went to bed.

The next day, I put on my dress clothes and drove to the studio. After I got there, I parked and checked in with Security. They gave me a pass and I reported to a parking area near the stage I would be working in. I checked in with a Production Assistant at a table and she gave me my "Non-Union" voucher, then directed me over to wardrobe. Wardrobe asked me I brought a jacket with my dress clothes and I said no, I was instructed not to. So they issued me a jacket and took one of my vouchers to ensure I would return the coat. After getting cleared by Wardrobe, I waited in a group to be escorted into the stage. I immediately recognized several people that I registered with on the previous day at Central Casting, including the guy that sat next to me.

We were escorted into the stage, and instructed to set up chairs in our holding area, which was along the walls on one side of the stage. The entire center of the stage building was a maze of different rooms, hallways, and other areas pertaining to the show. Breakfast was set up on another side of the stage and it had just about anything you could want for breakfast. Hot food, cold food, coffee, Juice, Fruit, Snacks, Cookies, Soda, Water, pastries, etc.

I was shown the way to props and obtained a Man Purse (briefcase) to go along with my uniform. I turned in the remaining two vouchers and returned to holding to await further instructions.

It wasn't long before I was ready to shoot my first scene. It would take place in a hallway. The main actors would be walking down the hallways and my job was to come out a door and walk directly behind them. They turned one corner and I turned another and continued into another door. We did this scene about 7, 8 or 9 times. I never got yelled at or asked to change something, but a lot of other background actors did.

I think one thing that makes this job easy for me is I do not goo-goo over celebrities or follow celebrity news. Outside the very top talent, I generally have no idea who you are. I might even pass you in the hallway and will give you a nod, and will pretty much treat you like every other commoner.

It was the little things I thought was cool to see. The stuff you don't see in the T.V. shows or movies. An elevator door that is supposed to take you to some other floor but just empties out into a wood box instead. The sets look fantastic however. They look amazing on T.V. and they look even more amazing when you are actually standing there. I actually thought the window in the hallway was looking outside, but when I got a closer look, it was all lighting and background. Other little details were fun to observe. The little problems that pop up like an elevator door that doesn't open automatically like it should had to be supplemented by hand. The cool cameraman with his goatee and Metal Mulisha T-Shirt. The frustrated director telling the cast and crew "Okay, now let's actually do this right this time" (if memory serves). The two hours I had to hear about 20 retakes on the same crucial 3 minute scene until they got it right.

Almost being knocked over by the cute star actress when she messed up here scene, and immediately turned around to reset, almost plowing right into me. Luckily I was able to jump out the way. She laughed and said sorry. Some famous person laughed at me and said sorry!

You know. The cool stuff you only occasionally get to hear about through commentary if you are lucky.

After the hallway scene, I went back to holding...and stayed there...for NINE HOURS! When I went back to holding, they wrapped (let go) almost all of the background actors, including the guy I say next to at Central Casting. They went through and selected about six of us to stay. For some reason, I was chosen to stay. I like to think I did something right and was following directions well, as I do. But in reality, I probably was just a fit for another upcoming scene.

Still. Through the next nine hours, I kept thinking "If they aren't going to use me anymore, let me go". I am, however, responsible and discipined enough not to ask to leave. If I take a job, I finish it. Period. As I was taught in the Marine Corps. General Order #5. To quit your post only when properly relieved.

They were now filming a scene in a room (about all the details I can give). The Production Assistants (P.A.'s) would come back in here and there and select people to take part in the scene. I was selected a few times, but when I got there, I was always sent back by the Assistant Director (A.D.). The A.D. was so calm through the entire day, I could have sworn she was on Xanax. I don't mean that in an offensive way. She was relaxed, calm and in control. In stark contrast, the P.A.'s were constantly on the move, often looking stressed and yelling at background members to be quiet during rehearsals and filming.

It was highly frustrating to have to watch how unprofessional some of the background was and watch it in turn frustrate the P.A.'s. I'd even watch as P.A.'s walked away, some of the background actors rolled their eyes like teenagers. I also witnessed two adult ladies face timing with their boyfriends while a scene was being shot not far away. Why they were not walked out is well beyond me.

I come from a military and law enforcement background. I could never deal with an undisciplined group of people working for me like that. It was just unacceptable to me.

Nothing tells you how low you are on the totem pole on a production like a Nice Hot Meal! P.A.'s told us multiple times to not eat until everyone else had eaten first. Actors, directors, crew, grips, cameramen, maintenance people, P.A.'s, etc. Background was permitted to eat about 30 minutes after the food was set up. This was different to me. In the Marine Corps, it's the exact opposite. You let the Junior Marines eat first. Privates WILL eat first and all the way up the chain of command. If there is anything left, the commanding officer gets to eat. In my current occupation, for a major law enforcement agency in SoCal, whether you are a sworn officer, a secretary, medical staff, etc. Everyone gets to eat at the same time. Different cultures. I ate very little.

One of the hard lessons I had to learn about Background acting was just how long it can take to finish a job. I assumed Hollywood, like any Capilalistic setup, despises overtime, and assumed I might get 8 or 9 hours in. NOPE. If you are doing background acting, don't schedule anything else for the day. I got on set about 6:30 AM and didn't leave until about 8:30 PM, which really, really sucked because I had scheduled my very first REAL acting class with Katt Shea Acting. I sent an email informing them I wouldn't be able to make it and evidentelly they didn't see it in time. I really needed to be there to round out the 3 other folks where were there that day, and I'm sure she had everything planned out. I felt very bad. Lesson learned. When I take her class in the next few days, I won't be scheduling ANYTHING else except that class. I'm grateful for the fact I get to have a fantastic director teach me the ropes in acting.

In any case, I ended up pulling a 14 hour day. I consider a 14 hour day very long when I am (dodge)balls to the wall at work. But 9 hours just sitting in holding is the equivalent of eternity. For you Catholics out there, I think Holding is meant to simulate Limbo.

They kept me around all day to walk in circles so I could finish a scene at the end where I am chatting with someone in a room directly in view of the camera. It will look like we are having a very serious discussion related to the topic of the show, but we aren't. We're talking California Crime and Politics. And if I do say so myself, i'm sure it will be great for the camera! ;-)

It's inevitable all the different people you will get the opportunity to talk to in holding. Even for a Introvert like myself. You will get to meet all kinds of people from many different walks in life, but by and large poor folks just trying to make it. In Hollywood and to the next paycheck. The retirees, The laid off, the young aspiring actors with stars in their eyes, the college students...and people like me with a decent paying middle class job, pension and benefits just trying something new.

In any case, we wrapped up at around 8:30 PM. Turned in my man purse, and got two of my vouchers back. Turned in my coat and got my third voucher back. Had the PA sign my paperwork and I was off.

Will I do it again? Despite the agonizing wait times in holding, I can genuinely say I had fun. Its a job, but it definitely feels more like play time. Only you get paid for it. Working with all you professional actors on set is an incredible experience very, very few people in the world get to do.

Suggestions: Bring a phone charging cable. I suggest a battery pack, because you will probably be on your phone all day long. Just hopefully not face timing while they are filming a scene not 30 feet behind you! I also saw some people brought their own camp chairs that fit into their backpacks and garment bags. This is also a great idea, as the hard plastic chairs aren't the most comfortable thing in the world after 14 hours. If you can't manage to keep your phone on quiet, just turn the dang thing off or leave it in your car. There is nothing more painful than hearing ACTION! and then a few moments later a phone ringing. I was actually surprised they let us bring it into the stage anyways.

Fact is, you are replaceable. A necessary evil. And expect to be treated as such. Just do what the P.A.'s and D.A.'s ask you. Nothing more. Nothing else. It's not hard, and you will make their jobs so much easier and by extension, yours. If you are planning to branch out into acting from here, these are the relationships you are building now. We all know Hollywood runs on relationships and these folks aren't going to be P.A.'s and D.A.'s forever.

Overall, I learned SO MUCH in just one day of shooting. The different positions on the Totem Poll and their functions. different commands and what they mean. What that big red light at the stage exit and entrance means!

On that note, before I wrap here, I want to share with you the biggest takeaway I got from my first background acting job. It's you guys.

Although most major T.V. and Movie stars live in a bubble (in my humble opinion), they are extremely hard working, dedicated human beings. I always envisioned they did two or three takes, said a few lines, called their assistant to book dinner reservations at Fig & Olive, then retired to their trailers for a nap before the next scenes.

HELL NO!

You folks work your butts off, giving it your absolute all, not long after I got there. And when I left tired out of my mind 14 hours later, they were still at it. As I almost hit the door to the stage I heard again "ACTION!" and stopped so they could finish the set. I have a newfound, incredible respect for the work you folks put in just for my approval and entertainment. I was so impressed, I may yet join you if the cards align and Hollywood is diverse enough for a Conservative.

~Tim
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    Tim Alcoser

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